I am enthusiastic about the “Wheel of Consent,” a relationship and interaction model developed by Betty Martin. In this article, I share how it came about and how I work with it.
໑ Have you ever said “yes” but actually meant “no”?
໑ Have you ever found it difficult to ask for something you longed for?
໑ Have you ever been unsure and indecisive about what you wanted?
These and similar life questions arise frequently in my body-oriented (somatic) coaching work with clients, especially when it comes to intimacy and sexuality. Often, we lack not only the right words but also the foundation to make a coherent decision about our desires.
In my opinion, the first step toward a self-determined experience of sensuality and pleasure is formulating the right questions. In 2016, I discovered a new solution that moves away from a dogmatic goal orientation, such as “10 steps to becoming the perfect lover,” in Prague. Betty Martin introduced her “Wheel of Consent®” approach, which has become an important inspiration for working with people ever since.
Individual coaching sessions
People who are interested in the topic of intimacy come to me for coaching. The individual reasons for coaching are diverse. Some lack access to their own body or feelings, while others struggle with a lack of connection and depth in their sexual relationships or a lack of ecstasy in mutual touch. The Wheel of Consent® model is one of the pillars of my individual work with clients on these issues. This concept of relationship dynamics, communication, and interaction helps people find their voice, freedom of choice, and self-empowerment on a somatic (physical) level. Or, in other words, “How do I gain access to my own feelings and sensations?” “What does it feel like to trust myself and others?” “What changes when I have a real choice?” The answers to these and other questions and the experiences in the sessions are as unique as the people who come to me. Here, my clients share their experiences.
Articles, podcasts & radio features
When people engage with new topics and questions, everyone has a different approach. Some read up on the theory, while others ask friends about their experiences. I have engaged with the topic of consent in various ways. In my blog post To Wheel or Not To Wheel — That Is the Question! I describe personal observations about the Wheel of Consent. Freely inspired by the motto “Let’s say yes and feel sexy again!”
In a 2021 podcast episode titled What is sex to you? [DE] I discuss my workshop “Consent & Desire” and explain how I incorporate the Wheel of Consent® into my work in individual sessions. In addition, the WDR/1LIVE radio journalist Catrin Altzschner published a feature about a coaching session with me in her weekly radio show Intimbereich [DE] (german: intimate area).
In the autumn of 2023, an entertaining episode of the ZEIT ONLINE Sex podcast “Is this normal?“ [DE] was released, discussing my work with sex therapist Dr. Melanie Büttner and science journalist Sven Stockrahm.
And last but not least, Betty Martin has written an entire book on this topic.
My Wheel of Consent® training
After my first encounter with the Wheel of Consent in 2016, I completed the “Like a Pro – The Wheel of Consent® for Professionals” training with Betty Martin in Antwerp, Belgium, nearly two years later. There, I met many people who use this tool in their work with others. A year later, I switched roles and hosted the “Like a Pro” training in Prague, Czech Republic, and interpreted an introduction to the Wheel of Consent® into Czech. In my work at the Australian Institute of Somatic Sexology, I taught the Wheel of Consent® in an advanced course. In 2021, I supported a six-week online workshop on the Wheel of Consent® with two US-based instructors, and in 2022, I assisted with a 2½-day English-language Wheel of Consent® workshop in Lausanne, Switzerland. Since early 2023, I have been a certified “Wheel of Consent® Workshop Facilitator” with the School of Consent.
Own seminars and workshops
At the beginning of 2020, it was time for me to create my own practical introduction to the Wheel of Consent®. To do this, I designed an evening workshop called “Consent & Desire“, aimed at people who wish to approach the topic of consent — whether it’s for the bedroom, workplace or discussion at the kitchen table. With playful curiosity, we approach the perception and formulation of our desires and personal boundaries in a pleasure-oriented approach in a small group.
Despite COVID-related challenges, this evening workshop was well-received and has been conducted 26 times with almost 230 participants in nine different locations in German, English and Czech languages. Read what participants say about the workshop and find current dates.
Many people who delve deeper into the Consent Wheel, for example after reading Betty Martin’s book, attending a three-hour introductory workshop, or being inspired by a coaching session with me, have a desire to delve even deeper into the topic. Whether for professional work with people or in dealing with family, friends and partners, the Wheel of Consent appears to many as a universal tool for communication and understanding. The 2½-day Wheel of Consent® seminar, which follows the official curriculum of the School of Consent by Betty Martin, provides an excellent opportunity for this. Interested? Sign up!