Wheel of Consent®
by Betty Martin
Contents of this page:
Most frequent questions and answers about
The Wheel of Consent®
The Wheel of Consent® (also referred to as ‘the Wheel’ or the ‘WOC’) is a model of consent based on, but not requiring, exchanges of touch. The Wheel notes the distinction between the ‘doing’ aspect of the touch dynamic — who is doing — and the ‘gift’ aspect — who it is for. The focus is on the process of choosing, not the action itself.
Once the distinction between those two aspects is made, the entire touch dynamic becomes clearer, which brings ease, sensuality, confidence, self-responsibility and freedom to the interaction.
The Wheel of Consent® grew out of two questions, in which two people take turns asking each other How do you want to touch me? and How do you want me to touch you? …for 3 minutes. The 3 Minute Game was born.
In these two questions are 4 different dynamics which create the 4 quadrants of the wheel — serving/accepting & allowing/taking. It is these two questions and the response that create the circle of consent, or the agreement.
Download the Wheel of Consent® Diagram in the following languages: BG, CS, DA, DE, EN, ES, FI, FR, HE, HU, NL, PT, RO, RU, SV, ZH.
The ”3 Minute Game” was invented by Harry Faddis and refined by Betty Martin who used it as a foundation to develop The Wheel of Consent®.
Two questions are asked: (1) How do you want to touch me? and (2) How do you want me to touch you? …for 3 minutes.
You can download the printable 3 Minute Game instruction booklet (PDF) in various languages (BG, CS, DE, EN, ES, FR, NL).
VIDEO: How to Play the 3 Minute Game:
VIDEO: The 3 Minute Game – How it Started and How to Play it. Betty Martin in conversation with Harry Faddis (Easton Mountain, New York, USA 2015):
The School of Consent is the official training organization promoting the values and skills of the Wheel of Consent®, as developed by Betty Martin. It provides training and educational materials for the public and professionals, offering tools to support empowerment, safety, and connection.
Betty Martin is very generous with sharing her wisdom. The diagram and dozens of videos are her free gift to us all. However, the dynamics around The Wheel are more complex that they might seem. If you are keen to share it and teach it, please follow her requirements:
My Wheel of Consent® Workshops
Blog Posts about
The Wheel of Consent
How do I actually want to be touched during sex, and do I even know that? 1LIVE radio host Catrin Altzschner experiences a coaching session with me and reports on it in her radio show “Intimbereich”.
The Wheel of Consent®
in the Press & Media
The New York Times · These Educators and Activists Can Help You Navigate Intimacy Now (Dec. 15, 2020) Also published in the Chicago Tribune.
The Guardian · Tears, honesty and flirty games: how we escaped our married sex rut (May 19, 2019)
Stuff.co.nz · Consent: why it is so complicated (March 16, 2019)
taz.de · Zu Besuch in einem Kurs zu Konsens: Du und ich. Ja oder nein (May 29, 2019 )
DiePresse.com · Sex und Übergriffe an Thailänder Yogaschule (September 16, 2018 )
» More media: Reviews, interviews, podcasts, articles(Wheel of Consent Book Website)
…with the Wheel of Consent Community:
Wheel of Consent® Public Facebook Group international (English):
Wheel of Consent® in Youth Education Private Facebook Group
Wheel of Consent Public Facebook Group in Czech:
If you have any questions, feel free to contact me.