I was truly delighted when the publisher Maitrea asked me to write a few introductory lines to Betty Martin’s book. It’s an attempt to capture in a few paragraphs what fascinates me most about it.
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My path to the Wheel of Consent begins with a personal experience, not with theory. Since then, a question has stayed with me and become my inner compass: Do I have a choice? In this foreword, I describe how the four “quadrants” of the Wheel of Consent help name hidden dynamics in relationships, and why somatic understanding is central to this work. I also explore how consent becomes invisible where awareness of power is missing, and why this approach is particularly suited to trauma-informed work. I close by reflecting on how clear boundaries and conscious choice do not stand in the way of passion, but can instead open the door to greater freedom and pleasure.
(Translation from Czech)
FOREWORD TO THE CZECH EDITION
My path to the Wheel of Consent didn’t begin with a book or a theory, but with a touch. Unexpected, clear, entirely voluntary. In that touch there was more truth than in hundreds of conversations. Suddenly I felt what it means to have the possibility of choice, and at the same time the responsibility for what I wish for, what I allow, what I offer. Since then, this question has accompanied me, sometimes quietly, sometimes urgently: Do I have a choice? It has become a kind of inner compass for me. Not one that constantly points in a direction, but one I reach for when I need to orient myself.
The book you now hold in your hands I see as a bold and necessary attempt to bring a clearer perspective to a subject that many of us find difficult to grasp. And that’s no coincidence: our capacity to perceive, express, or respect consent is deeply shaped by personal history. By experience, generational patterns, cultural context, and power structures. This book doesn’t try to be a manual, but an invitation to bodily exploration. The Wheel of Consent is a path on which we can feel in our own body what freedom of choice, boundaries, and consent taste like, and what their absence tastes like too. It isn’t a technique, but an experience that arises through touch, communication, and awareness of our own motivations.
The four quadrants of the Wheel of Consent help name the hidden dynamics that play out in relationships and interactions. But the real value lies in somatic understanding. In what our bodies remember, understand, and learn. This emphasis on bodily awareness forms the core of Betty Martin’s approach, which is spreading among therapists, guides, educators, and into the field of personal development around the world. I share this approach with enthusiasm across Europe through workshops in several languages.
Saying “yes” and “no” is a skill many of us have to relearn how to approach with clear awareness. Many people avoid the word “no,” out of fear of rejection or of disappointing someone. But over time, an understanding can emerge that “no” isn’t a rejection of the person, but simply an expression of personal preference. Saying “no” to others can, at the same time, mean saying “yes” to yourself. That’s exactly where the power of choice lies: in the awareness that we have a say in where we direct our attention and energy. Even uncertainty and hesitation have their place in The Wheel. It isn’t necessary to have everything clear right away. When we don’t know, we can slow down, or even stop. That, too, is a choice.
Although the Wheel of Consent can be explored purely verbally, or even without touch, bodily experience tends to be the most direct path to understanding. If we let it, touch can be an honest language. A language through which we learn to communicate about our patterns, expectations, and habits. In this sense, the wheel acts like a gentle “detox”. It shows us what we no longer need.
The beauty of this approach lies in the combination of simplicity and complexity. The questions are often very simple, but the answers tend to be deeply individual. The Wheel doesn’t judge. It doesn’t try to be a moral compass, but creates a space in which we naturally begin to look at how we judge ourselves: our desires, boundaries, habits, and fears. And perhaps that’s exactly where real change begins.
Consent often becomes invisible where power differences come into play. The so-called sexual revolution, which began in the 1960s, brought many important things: greater openness, liberation from shame, and an effort to break down outdated structures. But along with the desire to dismantle hierarchies, the awareness that freedom without mindfulness of power can easily slide into unhealthy dynamics was partially lost. When the capacity to discern and to carry responsibility is missing, space opens up for manipulation and abuse of power, whether conscious or not. The approach of “we are all teachers, we are all students” can sound inspiring, but if it isn’t rooted in clear boundaries and a conscious relationship to one’s own role, it can become a cover. And that, unfortunately, is exactly what happened in some communities, including here in the Czech Republic. Self-appointed teachers emerged, along with various groups and gurus who promised transformation and personal growth but in reality undermined trust, crossed boundaries, and acted in harmful ways.
The Wheel of Consent therefore raises fundamental questions: Who is this touch for? Who does the exchange really serve? What does the possibility of choice taste like?
I believe that when this approach is truly experienced through the body, it can strengthen personal freedom. It helps people perceive themselves more clearly, take on responsibility, and in doing so become less susceptible to manipulation and unclear power games.
This approach is built on clear awareness, voluntariness, and slowing down, key elements for work that is often well suited for people with traumatic experiences. Trauma is often connected to the feeling that we had no choice, that something was too much for us, that there was nowhere to run. The wheel is, of course, not therapy, but working with the question of choice can be, put simply, a kind of antidote. It helps rebuild our relationship to ourselves and to our bodies, and to recalibrate the inner compass of the feeling of choice. And that can be deeply beneficial and healing.
And finally: clear communication, boundaries, and consent don’t have to be a cold shower for passion and eroticism, quite the opposite. When we know — even if it isn’t always easy — what we want and what we don’t want, we can love more freely, more playfully, and with greater ease. Conscious choice can be fulfilling. And sexy.
I wish the Czech edition of this book many readers of all genders, including those who may not identify with any of the categories. May it support everyone who is looking not only for understanding, but also for lived experience. May it help us see more clearly, choose more consciously, and enter into relationships with greater openness and respect.
In June 2025
Ondra Veltruský, M.A.
Somatic Sex Coach and certified Wheel of Consent® Facilitator
ondra.li/en
Wheel of Consent book in different languages
Czech
Betty Martin, Robyn Dalzen: Kolo souhlasu. Umění přijímání a dávání. Maitrea, 2025. ISBN 978-80-7500-714-8.
English (original)
Betty Martin, Robyn Dalzen: The Art of Receiving and Giving. The Wheel of Consent. Luminare Press, 2021. ISBN 978-1-64388-308-3
Estonian
Betty Martin, Robyn Dalzen: Saamise ja andmise kunst. Nõusolekuratas. Väike Vanker, 2026. ISBN 978-9916-9784-5-0
