[EN] Her Sacred No—The Importance of Feeling Lost and Being Safe

A personal testimonial by
Somatic Sex Educator in training


I am often asked to describe a “typical session”. This is not an easy task, because every client is unique and every session different. Many clients share their experiences and learnings with me, some of them agree to publish parts as testimonials. However, it is rather rare, that a client shares a whole somatic journey in such a poetic way.

M.R.’s from The Erotic Alchemist describes in a compelling way her story of empowerment and embodiment.

In a somatic sex education session, I support M.R. to create her very own safe spacewhatever it means for her—which is quintessential for anything else which follows. I don’t create it for her, she does. Guiding her to listen to her body and sensations and emotions is a useful start in somatic work.

What do you need to feel safe? What does your body need to feel safe? The nervous system decides, not the brain. If the brain were in charge of feelings, it would be easy, we could just reason ourselves into safety. However, that’s not how the body works. Rational sentences like Don’t be afraid! or You can feel safe with me! simply don’t work for that reason.

When Ondra said “it is for you,” he meant something different, something that I didn’t know what to do with and didn’t even know if I liked. I was so used to my sexuality being for someone else that when he explicitly said it was for me and NOT for him, I felt lost, and even a bit rejected. I was so used to getting my sexual self worth from someone else wanting to look at me, or touch me or to do something with me or to me.

In this moment, I was being offered a switch from sexual object to sexual subject and it didn’t feel good because I was so accustomed to getting my pleasure off of someone else getting their pleasure from me, rather than sourcing my pleasure from myself.

Read the full story, how M.R. gives herself permission to leave, how she tunes into her senses, how she creates safety and trust for herself and experiments with her comfort zone. Learn, how attention can feel like love:

» My Sacred No by M.R.

O autorovi

Ondra Veltruský

Ondra Veltruský

Pomáhám lidem získat přístup k moudrosti vlastního těla. Učím je, jak být více přítomný v těle i mysli, být ve své síle a uvážlivě si vybírat z možností v oblasti intimity a potěšení.

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